Boldly Going

Glad you could join us for the next beguiling episode of Elliot’s Adventures. If you’re new here, you can catch up by returning to the beginning, and reading really fast…

Elliot B
Photo credit: S.T. Ranscht

Feeling an itch for excitement in the very soul of his single-footed self, Elliot forged a path up the hill that stretched further than even his fully extended eyes could see.

As his muscles, undulating beneath his glimmering skin, drove him ever forward, the sun rolled lazily across the sky, slowly stirring the air in its wake to blow a warm dry breath over his streamlined form, mocking his efforts with the very real threat of dehydration. His confidently rapid gait struggled against the parching wind and the thirst it left behind, and his progress slowed to the pace of a sleeping sloth.

A dark tendril of doubt crept over the crest of this endless uphill landscape. Should he admit defeat and turn back? Can a person ever go home again?

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I Hate Photos of Me

Back in the Kodachromagnon Age, when film was both alpha male and alpha female, transparencies were born as slides, but could transform — by the mystical power of Kodak Labs — into framable prints whose faces were either glossy or matte.

Without intending to, some anonymous, incompetent, color-blind photo lab worker gave me the key to understanding the eternal (since 1839 or 1840, anyway) complaint:

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The Book

Is there anything more boring than listening to unpublished authors talk about their “writing process”? Well, maybe out-of-work actors talking about roles they used to play and, in LA, The Industry. And any gamer anywhere talking about their avatar like it’s them. And first-time parents going on and on…and on about their week-old genius baby.

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