Month: April 2016

Baby Jason was Brylan’s baby to help him practice being a good daddy.

Brylan was four when he started kindergarten. He could already read and write (he had addressed the invitations to his fourth birthday party — not that I was proud of that or anything). His teacher, Mrs. Reels, was maybe 33, soft-spoken, kind, and pretty. Or maybe she was pretty because she was soft-spoken and kind. She loved the kids and offered them chances to Show and Tell about anything they chose.

Brylan chose Baby Jason for Show and Tell.

Continue reading “William’s Doll”

Just before Christmas, 1984, the first holiday season of my Child Care career, the second of Cabbage Patch Kids, I started thinking about adopting. I wasn’t too worried, after all, 1983 had been the Year of the Cabbage Patch Christmas Riots. Surely, Coleco had manufactured enough of them this year to meet the growing demand.

Oh, sorry. You didn’t think I meant to adopt a real child, did you?

Continue reading “Vaughn Mort”

Don’t watch the video at the end unless you’re a True Math Nerd. I put it here only to prove what I’m about to say.

“There are an infinite number of infinities, and they are all different sizes.” Me. Summarizing part of Vsauce’s video, How to Count Past Infinity

Stick with me here… I promise, I’m not going to talk about math. I’m going to share my Black Hole/White Hole Theory and the cool analogy the talk of infinite infinities led me to.

“Oh yeah, THAT’S better.” You

Continue reading “The Ultimate Universes”

I injured my dancing doll. I don’t know how old she was, but I was four. It was kind of an accident, but if I’d understood the physics of stress, I might have saved her.

Continue reading “Trust”

One moment, I was certain. I could feel it. I was having a boy.

The next, I’d ask myself:

“How would I know? I’ve never been pregnant before.” Me awash with common sense. And hormones.

Besides, I wasn’t sure I wanted to know ahead of time.

Continue reading “Sonograms and Spoilers”

“I’ve had a few.” Old Blue Eyes

I do not regret eating dirt.

Continue reading “Regrets”

From my unfiltered friend, Romero Russo of Sarcasm Font.

One last time, thanks to Sue Ranscht who brings you stories from a youth she’s probably too old to remember in Space, Time, and Raspberries. My theme is Unfortunate Quotes that Outlive Us. I, of course plan to have only fortunate quotes outlive me, so if somebody in the future attributes an unfortunate quote to me, […]

via 3 Day Quote Challenge, Day 3 — Sarcasm Font

Mom must have been weighing her options. Patty had stayed home from kindergarten because of tonsillitis. Again. Kim was only one. I was three-and-a-half and coloring in the living room so my sisters could sleep in the bedroom the three of us shared. It was almost lunchtime.

We were out of bread.

Continue reading “Quandary”

Don’t Panic

“In the Total Perspective Vortex, you are given just one, momentary glimpse of the size of the entire unimaginable infinity of creation along with a tiny little marker saying, ‘You are here’.” Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams

 

Embrace it with all your heart.

Way back in the day, a 13 year old girl could walk herself home in the middle of the night from a babysitting job three blocks from her house. Can they still do that? Do 13 year old girls still babysit?

Well, way back then I was 13 and walking myself home from a babysitting job three blocks from my house, when I had an epiphany.

Continue reading “Optical Delusion”