Glad you could join us for the next nail-biting episode of Elliot’s Adventures. If you’re new here, you can catch up by returning to the beginning, and reading really fast…
Before Elliot’s scream skidded to a halt, the mushroom cap sat empty over an expanding set of ripples.
Juliet was the first to jump into the water.
“Come on, you guys!” she called, paddling hard and fast for the center of the vanishing rings. “Are you really gonna let the little guy’s chance for True Love slip away?”
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How do you know you’ve found your One True Love? Is it the sudden racing of your heart? The catch in your breath? The lightheadedness that is so like being drunk? Some say you can’t know until your hands touch for the first time. But what if you haven’t any hands?
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“Dudes!” Lorenzo called to James and Juliet. “Look at this!”
“What is it, man?” James asked, prodding Elliot with one toe, “Is it, like, alive?”
“I dunno, dude. This foreign guy just came up out of the water with diamonds in his mouth and stuck it on my boat.” He plucked Elliot off the side of the log with his bill and lay him at their feet. “I don’t think he’s breathing, man.”
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Walter never stopped to question why he had opened his heart (and his mouth) to the little stranger lying so helplessly on the river bottom. It was his nature to care. Ask anyone.
Ask his wife, Darlene. She had seen his compassion and compulsion to nurture everyone he met when they were just small fry in school. But it had been during their senior year, when they had both worn Kissing Fish masks to the Enchantment Under the Sea Masquerade that she had known he was The One. He was the one she chose to bear the ultimate responsibility of carrying their adorable roe to term.
Every spawning season since, Walter had protected his soon-to-be progeny from marauding pike and sinister scuba divers. And he had never — even accidentally — swallowed a single one. Around the reef they called home, he had earned his reputation as the World’s Greatest Dad. Ask anyone.
Ask Darlene — if you can find her.
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The approaching shadow spread over Elliot, blanketing him with a dark so deep he knew it was Death. He closed his eyes, apologized with all his heart for the time he’d told his little brother that the salt lick they’d happened across was an icy slip-and-slide, and he prepared to die.
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The shocking splash was a cold, dead hand slapping Elliot smack in the face, yanking his breath right out of his lungs. Water filled his shell, now a brick dragging him belly-up to the bottom of a crushing grave. His life swam before his eyes; it looked a lot like bubbles.
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One moment, Elliot’s foot surged over moist dirt, the next, it hit a large, wet stone and surfed across its surface, out of control and gaining speed as he streaked toward a precipitous drop into the roiling rapids.
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Deep in the underbrush, Elliot finally stopped to rest. Sweat dripped from his eye stalks down the back of his neck, trickling under the front edge of his shell. “Great,” he muttered, “now I’ll get an itchy salt rash, and I won’t even be able to scratch it.”
An exotically accented, soft female voice emerged from the undergrowth ahead. “It is soundink to me as if you are needink a friend — a vife, perhaps.”
Curious, Elliot stretched his neck toward the sweet sound. “Who’s there?” he asked hopefully.
But when the leaves parted, Elliot’s eyes bulged in terror.
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“Wait! Wait!” Elliot screamed.
The bird belonging to the beak above him jerked back in alarm. “What?! What?!”
“Please,” Elliot begged, “please let me go! Surely you can’t have rescued me from that spinning siren just to eat me? Please! I implore you, have mercy!”
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From the shadows of Elliot’s mind, came a whistling chirp. “Is this what dying sounds like?” he wondered idly as darkness stole over his eyes and his body rose above the coarse black rocks. “If it weren’t for the squeezing sensation, I would think this was an out-of-body experience.” Continue reading “Everybody Eats”
Space, Time, and Raspberries 
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